Strength, Internal and External

Good morning ladies,

Way back when I was in the process of my weight loss journey I insistently said, “I want to loose weight”.  It took a fitness instructor to ask me the questions I hadn’t asked myself, “why do you want to lose more weight”.  That question made me think about the reason I wanted to lose more weight, I had probably been close to the weight I am now at the time of that question.  I thought about that until the next time I saw him and I told him, “I want to be strong”.  That is a different thing he told me and we went on to have a conversation about what my version of strength was.  I went home after that conversation on a mission; I began researching strong women, strength, how to become strong.  I looked at books and magazines and articles online, I finally discovered what I wanted was to be physically strong.  I had never been able to do a chin or pull up, I hadn’t ever been able to do more than just a few push-ups.  I wanted to be STRONG!  I was on a new mission.  I gave up fitness classes and started weight lifting.  I got strong alright, at my best I did 9 pull-ups, 3 chin-ups.  At my best I was dead-lifting close to 200 lbs and squatting 175 lbs, I’ll tell you my shit was STRONG!!!  When Jimmy and I lifted together he would take plates off of my bar to do his workout, if anyone would ask him about weight lifting he would refer them to me.  It was an amazing feeling until I noticed I began looking so lean, with my short black hair and no boobies…I was accidentally (I like to think it was an accident) referred to as a man more than once.  It didn’t hurt my feelings but I liked to have a little more “soft”.

On Monday night at our YT Weight Loss Support Group we discussed the same question I was asked by Kraig.  As I was telling some of my story and I was listening to their reasons for why they wanted to lose weight I felt re-inspired by strength but I didn’t know what that meant.  I no longer have the strong urge to get into the weight room like I had before for more than a week or two.

Tonight as I was at the YT Run Group when the word fast came to my mind.  Mind you, I haven’t ever fasted in my life, never had the urge or understood why anyone would do such a thing.  I let the word sit in me for a minute then I let it go.  Shortly thereafter the word strength came into my mind.  I pondered the word and put the two words together and I discovered I have been inspired to fast, I think to demonstrate internal strength to myself.  I don’t think this is about weight loss but I know I will appreciate the benefit, I think this is another way to discover a strength in myself that I have not yet discovered.  I am NOT recommending this to anyone so I won’t go into what I am or how I plan to do this but I am asking for support on this new discovery of mine.  I am desiring 10 days but as it is my first time ever at this I will be very pleased with my ability at the end of 3 days.  I look forward to my internal journey of strength!

Get Your Sweat On

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