Guilt comes from all areas if we let it. My family hadn’t been used to me working or taking time away from them at all until I decided to change my life by losing my weight. I was going to write this email about how we need to understand how they feel and what a challenge it must be when our husbands didn’t marry, for the most part, the women we are now or are becoming. I do feel for them but I also get a little annoyed when it is that we need to constantly be the ones conceding to their feelings.
This is a little personal but Jimmy questioned me tonight, I am writing this on Sunday night, on how I don’t pay enough attention to him and how he questions my feelings for him and how much he misses me. I get it, I miss him too and I do know that it is sometimes unfair to him that I don’t find all my joy coming from him and the kids but on the other hand during our marriage how many times did he go hunting, fishing, hockey, working weekends and I was home taking care of life and I’ll bet there wasn’t much guilt coming from him.
When the mother/wife/ woman changes it is a challenge on the family but does that mean we shouldn’t change? Should we be expected to be non-stop there for them or can they find a spot within where we are moving toward? I felt for Jimmy tonight when he told me his fears and I understand them but does it mean I shouldn’t continue on my path? We did discuss how I can come a little closer in toward the middle but not to the point of give in or give up; he wants me to find a balance that makes him happy.
I do need to find balance. I need to find that sweet spot where I am giving but also able to take. I need to give of myself to my family but I also need to take time for me WITHOUT guilt. Being a woman is different than being a man; we are expected to ask if we can do……whatever that is. I can’t remember being asked if it was ok when the work golf outing came up. How do we find this place where we are equal; can we be equal or will it always be that we are just a snitch behind? And what does that say about us if we aren’t or don’t want to be asking for permission?
I have had so many women involved in Your Turn that are married questioning or commenting in some way or in some fashion about this ever evolving spot we women are in. Have you found your sweet spot? I thought I had but it was, apparently, all in my head. It isn’t the easiest gender we have, vaginas. There comes some cord coming out from it that seems to be tugged and pulled and stepped on even loosely; just enough for us to know we aren’t completely guilt free yet.
I am not complaining or thinking I have it bad but it was a gentle reminder that equality isn’t meant for the wife just yet.
You are getting this on Monday; tonight we have our Your Turn Board/Advisory Meeting at the Your Turn Office at 7:45. Tonight will be the beginning of our new year and we want YOU to be a part of it. We need ideas, supporters, inspirators; please come and help us support you and many more women to come. Maybe you are just interested in how we come up with what we’re going to do and when; feel free to come find out. We look forward to having you involved!
Get Your Sweat On!